Understanding Fear: How Fear Affects Kids

Humans are born with fear, it is a natural tendency. Darkness, loneliness, loud noise, and strange faces are some of the things a baby is afraid of. As the child grows older, fear also continues to grow. Kids are more imaginative than you are, they begin to imagine things and they become more fearful.Each child is a distinct personality and has a unique temperament. Therefore, some kids are shy and fearful, while others might be brave and careful. Here are some age-related fears and how you can handle for the betterment of your kid.

Fear of Loud Noise: Generally speaking, infants and toddlers and easily intimidated by loud noise. They are beginning to learn things and loud noise might startle them. Holding, patting on the back, saying sweet things can help. In case of the toddlers, you can tell them about the thing that is making noise. They might not understand your words but you can take them to the source of sound. If your child was scared by the pressure cooker whistle, you can take him to the kitchen and show him. You might even let the child touch the whistle.

Fear of Strangers: Infants, toddlers, preschoolers, even school goers and adolescents are afraid of strangers or at least hesitant of strangers. The fear of unfamiliar faces is basically related to insecurities, their fearful state relates to “whether I am safe with this person or not.” In order to dispel this fear of unfamiliar faces, you should always take your kids to the places where they can see and met unknown people, for example, parks, shopping malls, zoos etc. When you and your kid are in the company of strangers, hold his hand, tell him something nice about this person, and encourage your kid to talk to him.

Fear of Bath

As a parent of infants, toddlers, even preschoolers and school going kids, you might have noticed that your kid is afraid to take baths. The psychology behind this fear is that what if they also get drained down the drainage hole just like the water. The fear of taking a bath is also related to the uncomfortable feelings with soap and water. In order to dispel this fear of bathing, make bathing interesting by giving them water toys or even take a bath with your kid.

Fear of Animals

Kids of all ages have this fear. Most of the time, kids’ fear is based on their insecurities. Even the adults are afraid of certain animals. However, sometimes kids are even afraid of house animals like cats and dogs. Animals are unpredictable and even your pets can harm you. Still, you can try to help your kids come in terms with the house pets. You can also help them familiarize themselves with animals by giving information about the animals, giving animal toys, letting them watch animals on the TV, in the park, or in the zoo. Generally speaking, kids are afraid of loud noise and a lot of animals make loud and strange noises, therefore, kids are afraid of animals. You can help the kids learn the animal sounds and get familiar with the animals.  

Fear of Darkness

Children of all ages are afraid of darkness. Even the infants cry when they are kept in the darkness. It is easy to manage this fear in infants and toddlers as you can keep the lights on until they go to sleep. However, addressing fear of darkness in preschoolers, school going kids, sometimes even adolescents is difficult because they are already in the age when they begin to imagine things and create stories. They see monsters and ghosts in the dark, they see burglars and strangers in the darkness. Fear of darkness take a long time to go away, sometimes might even last lifelong. Mind creates images and these images become real in the darkness.  While the young kids see monsters in the darkness, older people imagine burglars. Telling stories until the kids sleep, keeping the lights on until they sleep, or keeping night light on are some of the ways to dispel the fear of darkness.

Fear of Ghosts and Monsters

While scary images and faces also frighten infants and toddlers, fear of ghosts and monsters is mostly in the preschoolers and school going kids. They get this imagery from the popular media and even the tradition like Halloween. Furthermore, they are also at the age when they are highly imaginative and in their imaginations they create monsters and stories surrounding these imaginary characters. Kids cannot differentiate between real and unreal. Keeping the lights on until they sleep, imaginary fight with these monsters and ghosts, moving beds and cupboards in the kids room, creating friendly ghosts and monsters can help this fear of ghosts and monsters.

Fear of Failure and Rejection

Fear of failure and rejection is very common in the adults and even so in the kids. While the adults can easily overcome this fear, fear of failure and rejection can be very devastating in kids as this might last lifelong making them timid, reticent, and pessimist human being.  Performance pressure, peer pressure, and teachers and parents pressure are the primary reasons behind the fear of failure and rejection. Desire to do good, be good also make the kids afraid of failure and rejection. Sometimes this fear becomes so severe that they never try to do anything because they are only concentrating on their inability to do it and the rejections they might get after failing. Never put any pressure on your kid regarding their performance, whether it is in studies, exams, or sports. You also have to teach your kids it is perfectly ok the fail. You can share your stories of failure, which might help the kid that when you fail you are not being rejected. Your kid must learn the mistakes they do will help them learn. Also, teach your kids to take calculated risks. Never criticize your kids or compare your kids with other child.

Fear of Medication, Injection, Doctors

If your child is afraid of medication, injection or doctors, you are not alone. A lot of kids are afraid to be taken to hospital of administered medicine or injections. This is mostly prevalent in preschoolers, school goers and adolescent. This fear is generally associated with pain. Playing doctors and nurse can help your kid familiarize with doctors and nurses. Talk about the diseases and safety measures. Assure them that doctors, nurses and medications are to help them and make them safe.

Address Fear in Your Kids

Fear is real for your kid, do not underestimate it. Fear affects the child psychologically, physiologically, and emotionally. If you understand your kids fear, you will also be able to deal with these fears. Do not talk down about your child’s fears even these fears sound silly. Statements like don’t be scared, don’t be silly might worsen your child’s condition. If you don’t deal with fear properly, it will continue to intensify and in the future, they start keeping everything inside them, and that’s very dangerous.

Help Your Kid Overcome Fear

Teach your kid about fear, what it is exactly. Tell them what is real and what is unreal. Also, tell them about flight or fly response, when they have to fight their fear and when they have to flee. Never tell your kids, “Hey, don’t be afraid.” Because when the kids are scared, their mind and body already go through symptoms like rapid heartbeat, fast breathing, nervousness etc. First, give them time to calm down and then engage in conversation.

Real Fear And Perceived Fear

Fear is basically two types: real fear and perceived fear. The real fear is something like the fear of snakes, perceived fear is the fear of monsters. Interestingly, the brain cannot segregate between real fear and perceived fear. While as an adult you might be able to tackle perceived fear, for instance, you might settle peacefully after being scared watching a horror movie; nonetheless, for a kid, both of these fears are real. They cannot differentiate between rational and irrational. You as a parent must help kids understand real fear and perceived fear. Teach your kids about the fears that are irrational.  Give examples of perceived fear and real fear. A doorbell rings, is it a real threat? Or is it just that they are imagining things. A window suddenly opens, did the ghost open the window or was it the wind?

A simple breathing exercise like deep breathing can be a great way to help kids normalize after a fearful state. Sit with your child and together perform breathing exercises. Just a couple of minutes of breathing exercise can help in many ways. It calms the mind, soothes the nerves and palpitation. This is a technique to condition the brain to calm itself whenever the child is afraid.

Whether for an adult or for a child, most of the perceived fears arise from the “what if” question. What if I am fired (for an adult), what if the monster is actually living under the bed (for child). What if comes from the subconscious mind that we are not aware of. What if is perceived fear.  You need to answer what-if questions for your kid. You must have a response to all what-ifs. For example, you kid might ask, “Mummy, what if I get lost in the street?” Your answer should not only answer what if but also convince the kid. You must reassure your kid. Reassuring the kid does not mean you just tell them nothing bad can happen because you are there for him. There will be “What if” in the child’s mind until your answer convinces them. However, you should remember one important thing that you should not tell a lie about.

Symptoms of Fear

Fear is not just a mental issue, not an abstract emotion, it has physical symptoms as well. Here are some symptoms that you need to judge. When the kid is afraid…

• He begins to shake violently.
• His skin changes color and becomes pale.
• His heartbeat rises, begins to breathe heavily.
• The child may want to hide under a blanket or inside a closet.

Everyone is afraid of something. While it might be difficult to trace an adult’s fear, children are afraid of things like:

• Parents may never come to pick them up, so they may not want to go to school
• Parents may abandon them so they don’t like parents going out while they are left at home.
• Some common causes of fear are scary movies, nightmares, getting lost etc.

Have you watched your kid when he is scared? What does she do? Call for you, hide in a closet, cuddle with siblings or toy?

You always have to watch for the symptoms of fear and respond to the fears to understand fear in your kid and help your child get over the fear.

It is not wrong to be scared, it is perfectly ok because everyone is scared of something. Emotional management is very important. It is as important a sending your kid to school. However, in order to manage the emotions related to fearfulness, you need to understand the different age-related fears and how you can handle these fears properly according to the age group.

Is your child afraid of darkness, does he believe there is a monster under the bed? Is your child afraid to take a bath? Is he afraid of cockroaches on the kitchen counter? While these fears are common in kids, as a parent it might really get to your nerves to see your child panic and you being unable to help your child.

Fear of Monsters and Ghosts

Whether you are preparing for Halloween or watching a horror movie, you know both of these things are not real. You know Halloween is just a tradition filled with fun activities and movies that are man-made. Even when you get scared watching horror movies, the emotion of fear is temporary. However, for kids fear is real. Kids’ minds cannot differentiate between facts and fiction, real and artificial. They believe in monsters just like they believe in Santa. Therefore, it is very important that you help your kid learn about reality.

Sit and have a calm conversation. While having a conversation, first of all, you need to become a listener.

Ask questions. If there is a monster under the bed, ask what does the monster looks like, where did you hear about the monster first, what you can do to help. Questions like these will help the kid engage in conversation and find solutions. Your kids’ solutions are always more effective than your own solution.  It is okay to come up with imaginary solutions but it should be your kid’s solution.

If your kid has been through a traumatic experience recently or had some major loss, it is more important to get more information from the kid before deciding on a solution.

When your kid is afraid and you tell him “There is nothing to be afraid of” or “Don’t be silly, this is unreal” it simply does not work. Your kid is unable to understand when you dismiss the fear of monsters and ghosts as unfounded.

While for younger kids things like flashing lights, hitting with the stick in the air might work, for older kids you might have to come up with more rational solutions like changing the bed position, letting the kid sleep with the light on, etc.

When the fear of monsters lasts long or recurring, you might even have to consult a child psychologist.

Conclusion

Fear is common in kids and it is good that your child should know that there are things in the world that he needs to be afraid of, for example, street traffic. However, too much fear can be a great problem as it may make the child timid and shy, may not engage in normal activities (for example, not getting a bath). Contrarily, when the child is afraid of nothing, it might harm him as he might become careless (for example, not watching the vehicles while crossing the street).